Ramblings of a madman

I'm back, and I have something to discuss of the utmost importance.

I'm here to discuss men's toilets in a club.

YES, this is a very annoying experience for many reasons and I simply need to ramble on the matter.
So, first up; when you enter this overpriced bathroom, (did you forget how much you paid to get inside this club that keeps playing the same Drake songs?) you are greeted by half a dozen guys swaying against a wall like flesh eating zombies.

You, in your tipsy state of mind attempt to go to the cubicle... yes, there's probably one or two if you're lucky, but this in itself turns into a minefield. Somehow you try to gage whether someone else is actually in the stall without making it obvious which is almost impossible... a sly look under the half opened door? A soft knock on the door? whatever method you employ you can't help feeling like a complete doughnut whether there's someone actually in there or not.

Hey presto, you find an empty cubicle! and finally get to reach the pleasure of emptiness - only to find that the bowl has been exploited by a former user that couldn't be bothered to flush the chain, or tried and had no impact.

You are not responsible for the massacre in the toilet bowl and try to exit swiftly, but only before letting the floodgates go while holding your breath and staring at the ceiling.  Only problem is - you're in a club.  Yes, this toilet has a long queue of men waiting to relieve themselves and the cubicles are representative of the holy grail.  So, as you leave with your head down knowing that the next in line is about to assume yet stay quiet about the chaos they see before them, you head to the sink like a ninja.

As you get busy with the soap which is being held hostage by an African man, who thinks you want to hear about how the club is full of loose women you could take advantage of, he decides to loudly enforce a hard sell that his lovely selection of Chupa Chups and aftershaves which will turn you into a God once you leave his temple of toilet.

Yes, you didn't come to the toilet to actually go toilet.  You came to hop through a minefield of urinals and blown up cubicles, and be enlightened by a man that stands there handing you paper towels whilst giving you a running commentary of how to degrade women.

I cannot stand toilets in clubs, and I just thought I would tell you.


Joshua, TCC