Critical times hard to deal with

Times have changed. We now live in a world where mankind has to be more cautious, more vigilant. With the levels of threat and terror becoming increasingly frequent - an individual has to always have their wits about them. The worlds landscape has rapidly gone from bad to worse. It goes without saying that we are truly living in critical times.

So... it was a pleasant, warm evening. I was sat on some steps waiting for somebody to arrive. This location, weather, and with time on my hands were all conducive to a bout of people watching and having a little snack. Opening my backpack I took out a nice looking banana. Just what I needed after being at the gym. I took a bite, then another... then I stopped. I suddenly began to feel a sense of unease. Shadows began to loom up above me. Looking up I noticed a gaggle of seagulls, flying about in a menacing manner. If you know anything about seagulls these days - then you will know that they have quickly garnered a quite fearsome reputation.

These feathery demons have been terrorising people in city centres for longer than I care to recall. Not content at ruining peoples sea side experience with unprovoked attacks - for the sake of ice cream (with a flake) or a cup of chips, these birds have now descended into the city, where a hot bed of various food and unsuspecting potential victims lie. These scheming monsters have also unfortunately influtrated my city and have quite literally taken over. Quickly dispatching pigeons, either by brute force or murder - seagulls have taken no prisoners. If you happen to walk along one of their regular haunts with any semblance of fast food on display you are seriously asking for trouble. Especially if you happen to be female, for some unknown reason these birds appear to also be misogynistic. Tales of them swooping down, landing on women's heads then taking their food have become more and more prevalent. My very own sister witnessed the brutal, cold blooded murder of a hapless pigeon due to one of these barbarous birds with only fast food on its brain. (And, yes, my poor sister was traumatised).

The powers at be are also helpless in stopping these creatures. How can you quell these gruesome birds who have become a law onto themselves? After they have accosted, stolen, or indeed murdered - they squark with glee before flying away to wherever they happen to live. At one point I was steadily compiling an in-depth dossier on seagulls, noting where they would hang out, taking covert photos of them and sending them to my sister to let her know that I was going to somehow put an end to this campaign on terror that they had brought to our shores  - I was doing it for my city! However, due to a less than subtle intervention I had no choice but to stop with my endeavors. I have no idea how they knew what I was up to - but as I was cycling to work one morning I was, well, covered in seagull excrement. From that day on my dossier got chucked into the bin. From the state of my jacket and hat - I knew that this was a direct warning for me to stop my planned exposé.

So there I was, watching these birds flying around above me. I won't for one second profess to be the big man. Nor will I imply that I wasn't worried. In truth - I was frightened. Scared for myself, scared for my little banana. Trying to conceal the yellowy treat in my bosom I watched eagle eyed as the birds flew down intermitently around me as they grabbed bits of discarded food. I wondered if they were just building up to then confiscating my piece of fruit. I was even wondering whether I should have gotten up and left my seating area. But I couldn't move, it was as though I was paralysed by fear to the steps that I was on. What made this situation even harder for myself  - was that I had really enjoyed the first two bites of my banana. I dearly wanted another nibble, but I knew if I whipped it out again things could get very ugly. I know that most seagulls have a preference for carb rich diets; ie chips, pizza and, at times, pre-packaged sandwiches. Having said that, though, the way these birds were homing in around me I couldn't take that chance and risk my life. It would have just been my luck - that this potentially fateful evening a health conscious seagull would have decided to start a new fruit based regime. My banana and my life were not worth such a gamble.  So making the wise decision I decided to open up my bag and put my banana away.

Demola, TCC