Goodbye and good riddance!

Have you ever received news, wonderful news that made you so happy? I can say I have and to be precise the wonderful news that I received was approximately a  week ago. The news being that one of my annoying neighbours was moving out. Yes, he was going - he was getting gone! I had suspected as much on seeing his hapless associates moving furniture through our flats hall way. But as with some things in life - if it appears too good to be true then it usually is. So although I wanted to imagine the possibility that he was moving my cynical mindset couldn't allow me to fully believe it. However, before long my neighbour confirmed the brilliant news to me that he was moving to pastures new, blah, blah, blah. If my neighbour possessed X-Ray vision powers then he surely would have seen the glowing delight in my heart and utter elation that coursed through my body on hearing this information. But because he isn't privy to any special kind of human scanning powers or in fact any sort of aptitude, he didn't even detect the creeping wry smile on my face or instantaneous sparkle behind my eyes. 

So why now? Why was he moving out? (Not like I wanted him to stay I must add) Well I didn't even need to to probe or query because the wino informed me. (My neighbours aren't adverse in the slightest to telling me things I don't care to know about). Case in point being, It's time to tell the tooth and The Neighbours. The reason for his relocation was that he had gotten his extremely robust girlfriend pregnant. Which in all honesty (apart from making me want to violently heave) came as a bit of a shock - because if you ever have the displeasure of seeing this 'woman' apart from being completely repulsed you would never guess that she was carrying anything apart from stones of unadulterated blubber - such is her unflattering gargantuan size. Anyway, apparently the whale is due in the coming months and they need a bigger place. (I'll bet). Which they have found and is just perfect. From the volatile relationship that I have observed and overheard from these two people that should be on the Jez Kyle show the mind can't help but boggle at the thought of them bringing a child into the world. It's frightening and worrying to say the least. But who am I to sit on my Chesterfield and cast judgement. Having said that, though, my other neighbour (toothless one) candidly disclosed to me that the impending baby might not even be to my departing neighbour. Crikey! In all honesty should I have been that surprised, these two people live out their lives like an awful soap opera - and  in addition to this I was once told by the same gummy neighbour that the larger than life woman had borne a child to one of her very own relatives!

And before you even begin to contemplate as to whether the woman in question is of middle eastern origin, where such practises are not seen as against the norm the answer to that is no! She is not a desert dweller. Nor is she from deep Alabama. No, this is a British woman who according to my blathering source has a child to her cousin! (Heave!)

After my departing neighbour told me about his imminent moving out and fatherhood plans (yawn) he then proceeded to say that we would probably see each other around to which I smiled ever so falsely and nodded, mumbling a disjointed 'yeaarh.' Before I shut my door, pinched myself all over, did a jig of delight, punched the air and thanked all and sundry that he was going and I would no longer have to see or hear him arguing with his partner. Or see her storming in and out of the flat with a can of some sort of alcoholic sustenance.  Finally, finally, at long last my dream had come true.

To be brutally honest, I couldn't help but thinking - goodbye and good riddance!  

 Demola, TCC