The Beach boys of Montego Bay

On a recent cyber trawl through hauds of useless information to pass the time during a long day at work I stumbled across a quite disturbing article, written by an anonymous source.

The article gave insight into an illicit pass time involving 'a mutual understanding' between a middle aged holidaying woman and a young and opportunistic native of the Caribbean.This article shed light on women, usually British or American, who due to suffering from the monotony of stale marriages brazenly take full leave of their inhibitions as they travel to exotic destinations in search of some long awaited passion and excitement.

An account from one woman (let's call her Barbara) explained how she was immediately impressed by the muscular physiques of the men that could be found casually loitering around the Montego bay area. "They're so fit!" she enthused. Adding that "They had legs like footballers!"

These aesthetically pleasing  characteristics coupled with the chivalrous machismo of the chaps who would bombard the wanton women with a tirade of sweet nothings, complements and overwhelming romantic gestures make for a winning combination for the ravenous travelling females.

According to Barbara her lover (whom we shall call Chris) would constantly tell her how beautiful she was and even insisted on paying for everything to begin with, until he suffered some unfortunate financial issues and needed a bail out 'loan' to which Barbara gladly obliged. "I was worried he would have to sleep on the beach." She said. 

Chris never did pay her back, and subsequently began to demand money from her, quickly adopting the locally practised  mantra of: "No money, no honey."

The 'Beach boys' (Rastitutes) as they are alternately known as tend to gravitate toward's these well-to-do women and appeal to all of there wildest fantasies in hope of financial gain. For none English speaking tourists the language barriers are not an issue, the Beach boys swagger around in outrageous minuscule swimming trunks leaving nothing to the imagination, captivating the women with innuendo laden exotic offerings such as the 'big bamboo cocktail' and if the message is still blurred they will simply sketch lewd acts into the sand like some kind of sordid morse code.

The woman may tell you that they where convinced that it was true love but beneath the surface they know what the arrangement really was.

Barbara goes on to explain further how her life back home is so different. "My husband thinks I'm at a convention, I don't know how I'm going to explain the tan, or the love bites for that matter."

Illicit trades of sinister descriptions tend to often fall under such misleading affectionate terms perhaps to make light of or gloss over the licentious nature of foreign affairs. Take for example the Chocolate boys of Rio de Janeiro; they may sound like something from a South American Willy Wonka re-make - but these malevolent little oompa loompa's are in fact a group of youngsters recruited by the Favela gangs to lure tourists into potentially fatal muggings.

Let's not forget the Area boys of Lagos; a motley crew (and not the Whacky Races kind) who earn their ill gotten gains through the extortion of pedestrians and vehicle users in times of high traffic, acting as informal security guards and performing unrequested services only to demand money from their targets to let them go. The Area boys have been known to dig up roads and place nails on  streets to further obstruct the flow of traffic and provide them with a wealth of potential victims. Like the Beach boys of Montego Bay there does seem to be an aspect of an unagreed trade between the Area boys and their marks as they are usually willing to lend a hand during times of flooded streets, helping people get their cars out of the mud and assisting them in avoiding pot holes and ditches.

So, it seems it is not all bad if you do happen to encounter an Area boy or a Beach boy for that matter whilst on your travels as you will receive some kind of service for your trouble depending of course upon your bank balance and/or  your predicament. (With exception to the Chocolate boys where you will simply just get mugged).

David, TCC