Recollections of an impromptu naming ceremony - Part 2

The young protagonist who's new name I will recollect about is one that quite frankly deserved it due to his then quite moronic nature. Again, just like part 1 of impromptu naming ceremonies this boy in question was given a name that to this day has stuck, perhaps even more than the previous persons. 

Following on from the other ceremony we were again outside my home. It was a regular haunt back then when we were teenagers to hang out in front of. I have no idea why but it was. From time to time random youths we knew would turn up and chill with us. One day my cousin arrived with the younger brother of 'Goonie'(if you read part1 you'll know about that story). Goonie's younger brother wasn't the sharpest tool around, however, he was a tool. He was pretty dosey if truth be told and loved nothing more to act the fool. Basically, he acted himself.

Sometimes it was mildly funny but most of the time it was plain ridiculous - he was a young prat of whom my patience was wearing thin whenever my brain had to process the things he would say and do.

So I was stood on my doorstep and he was acting the clown with my cousin as per usual and I flippantly said that you two are just like Homer Simpson and Barney. I just blurted it out. Another   friend present latched onto that comment gleefully chortling and saying: "Yes! that's it! He is just like Barney from the Simpson's! He even thanked me for labelling Goonie's brother that. (He wasn't bothered about the Homer jibe - Barney resonated more for some reason). 

Goonie's younger brother had a new nickname and he didn't even mind it one bit. Admittedly it was a lot softer than the awful one attributed to his brother but never the less being likened to an idiot with less sense than the infinitely stupid Homer wasn't a good look. The character Barney Gumble was portly, he had a silly voice, he was an excessive drunk and when he would burp his lips would tremble and shake. It was perfect, our 'friend' captured the essence of this major buffoon.

The strange thing is but I suppose it summed up the new 'Barney' is that he didn't mind the name whatsoever - he actually embraced it and eventually began to introduce himself by that name. It wasn't intended to be a positive comparison, but that was 'Barney' he loved to push the boundaries of a healthy functioning mind. Actually, he appeared to be hell bent on proving that it was possible for suggestions that some human beings have walnuts for brains.

Having the name 'Barney' shaved into the back of his head because he was proud of the name was just one of the myriad of things that cemented his status as the neighbourhood plonker. Absconding to London on a train hiding in the toilet so that he didn't have to pay then befriending a tramp (who gave him some food) in the capital before finally returning back to Liverpool after a few weeks away. He returned with a full blown cockney accent. He was  adamant that his (mock) accent was authentic and had changed in his fleeting few weeks away and even though we all laughed derisively at him he  steadfastly refused to drop it until one random day he, well, decided that this ludicrous facade was hard to keep up.

Speaking of keeping things up, one night Barney couldn't keep his trousers up as he was getting ready to go out. He didn't own a belt so call it ingenious or just 'Barney' he decided to roll up a supermarket carrier bag and use it as a makeshift belt somehow managing to slide it through the belt hoops - thus keeping his trousers up. What can you even say to that...

Nobody could particular dislike Barney, he was as imbecilic as he was good natured and harmless which is often the case with half baked people. 

The funny (or astounding) thing is even to this day a lot of people don't even know Barney's real name. He's told that many people that his name is Barney that it's actually stuck. Some, though, have found out that the name 'Barney' was and is only his nickname and curiously asked him why he has it. His response - was that he loved Barney Bear when he was a child. What?! That creepy looking purple teddy bear, I don't think so!

For those of us who knew him before his naming ceremony we know the real truth and although he was the embodiment of the Simpson's character (and still displays flashes even today) this nickname will continue to be the name that his very own future wife will probably address him by. Frightening as that may be it is a very real possibility.

Demola, TCC