Feathery skirmishes

That's it! It's official! They are so damn stupid and annoying!!

 

Pigeons! The most docile, idiotic bird of the entire bird kingdom. For years I have watched these feathered tramps tip toe through the streets with their protruding chests and gormless faces mooching for scraps and flirting with death as they wait until the very last possible moment to fly away just as a car is about to make them into a bird pancake on the road. I've seen it too many times. Gambling with their pathetic lives for the sake of a bit of discarded pizza.

 

In the space of a quite turbulent week, two incidents have occurred between myself and these rats with wings, as they have commonly been referred to in certain quarters.

 

I have no qualms in stating that I have suffered somewhat greatly due to these useless birds who seemingly appear to have some sort of wicked vendetta against me. They have cruely decided to start persecuting me.

 

Last Saturday was the first instance of my growing suspicion. I was peddling through my city centre, the sun was out, it was a nice day. I was in a relaxed, pleasant mood. Things were fine. However, this was until I spotted a pesky pigeon flying dangerously close to me. I thought oh no! As I was already aware that pigeons have the bizarre tendency to fly in a kamikaze manner. Well this one acted to type and and was flying like a deranged lunatic and it clumsily flew right in my way. I was extremely startled and a little bit flummoxed as I swerved and wobbled - the pigeon was flying in front of me! I probably looked as though I was in the circus riding a uni-cycle on a high tightrope.

 

I am certain that I looked beyond ridiculous as I careered wildly and stupidly -  nearly falling from my bicycle.

 

It didn't help my situation when I saw a dude laughing at me as he walked across the road and had obviously seen the spectacle finding it highly amusing. My cool levels had taken a major hit because of this incident. I actually laughed myself, I had to laugh, then I shouted something to him about it being funny. (Like I'm easy going and can laugh at myself in the midst of a mishap like this). But, in all honesty it wasn't very funny, being 'made a show of ' (scouse colloquial phrase) by a flaming bird can really dent a man's confidence.

 

Ah well, just one of those things I thought to myself as I regained my composure. Pigeons shall be pigeons and all that. It could have happened to anyone. Hmm, oh really... I'm not so sure about that.

 

Fast forward a few days and David and I were riding up Bold Street. Chatting away as usual as we made our way up the slight hill. Suddenly! Seeminly out  of nowhere another conniving pigeon flew into my path. Oh no! Not again... this maniac bird was flying like it was blind folded. I instantly feared for my cycling safety as I swayed and wavered.

 

The pigeon flew right in my eye line, near my head! I unwittingly blurted: "Woah!"  I again wobbled like a plate of jelly and careered. The nasty bird nearly made me crash. The pigeon actually hit me on the head as it flew past me. Yes, it did. (Good job I was wearing a hat at the time). How many people can say that they've been assaulted by a pigeon?! The world is a dark place.

 

The embarrassment was made all the worse as I looked and saw a group of young women laughing heartily to themselves at my unfortunate predicament. I looked sheepishly and said: "Madness!" to them. (Again, trying to save face, but to be honest I felt so sorry for my poor self).

 

Coolness and street credibility had just been snatched away from me just because another pigeon had seen fit to make me look a fool.

 

I am seriously growing to strongly despise these feathery creatures.


Demola, TCC