Crimes, Fashion Faux Pas and Atrocities

Over the years I have observed many things that have bothered my eye sight and irritated my mind. Today, I will share with you, exactly what these things are.


Key:  1) A night down the sewers.   2) Flogging.    3) Stocks.    4) Spending time in a small cage with a grizzly bear with ADHD.    5) Gunged.    6) Slap around the chops with a wet fish.    7) An afternoon in downtown Iraq.


Note, these are punishments that many of these crimes, fashion faux pas and atrocities warrant. Understand? Then I shall begin.


1) OK, I get it, Geek glasses are in fashion, in trend, and have been so for quite some time now. People who do not need to wear spectacles - but do so, because it apparently looks cool etc etc, fair enough. Are these none prescription glasses extremely expensive? I would say no, not particularly. Ok ok maybe there has been a recession but sadly for me, there is no excuse for what some individuals do (bonafide peasants) Sigh... Going to a cinema to watch a 3D film is one thing, taking the 3D glasses home is accepted practice. But what follows, for me, is a gross sin. Punching the 3D lenses out of them. Then transporting these plastic odd shaped glasses to your face (3D logo still on the side) is a crime that really needs punishing. Do these people not have any dignity?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Punishment : 4)


2) Weaves and shoddy wigs. This is a very, very, emotive subject for myself. Before I proceed with this rant I will confess I er kind of understand that some women are not happy with the state of their barnets, wish to have longer more luscious looking manes. Yes, I get that. Do I understand that some idiotic and lazy women have perfectly fine hair but still wish to sport wigs and weaves plucked straight from a horses backside?! No, I do not. I have seen more than my fair share of poorly applied weaves and wigs. Planted on heads with little or no conviction. The weave doesn't look like it wants to even be there, hence why it starts way above the hairline. The woman doesn't seem as though she wants it there much - because if she did, she would have demanded the back street sad excuse for a hairdresser (probably aunt or other relative) to attach it better. Sort ya selves out.

Punishment : 6) (Several)



3) Track suit bottoms with shoes. I will confess I haven't actually seen this extreme atrocity for a good while. Having said this, it doesn't mean that this awful fashion faux pas does not exist. The individuals that commit this heinous crime probably originate and reside in towns such as Wigan, Warrington, Widnes and Runcorn. Big cities have forced the few I would see to flee to the afore mentioned towns - where they seek refuge and can behave inexplicably. It is just very, very bad behaviour. Good look it is not, bad look most definitely.

Punishment : 3) & 4)


Females who wear Pyjama's in the street (in fresh air). This is just WRONG! "There is always an excuse if you look for one," (See Quotes). In this case there really isn't an excuse. It is just dirty and lazy. How can you wake up get your children ready for school for example, and not make time to remove your musty pj's?? You have time to dash on ya out of shape Uggs and coat and walk them to where ever you are going. Some take this dirty behaviour a step further. They board buses into the city centre, they go shopping in supermarkets. Some don't even wear Uggs, they wear their slippers. I do not ever want to ever understand this way of acting. Action must be taken against these tramps.

Punishment : 1) & 2)


Cheeky beggars/Chubby beggars.
Hmmm... How can a beggar be chubby?? It may be a rare and head scratching occurrence, and especially odd that this man in question (that has pestered myself) complains that he needs money - because he is hungry. The irony is too much to comprehend. He will stand outside sweet shops and supermarkets. One time I gave in and offered him some of my oat cakes (newly purchased from a well known big store). Not going to advertise that shop where the women with flat bums slap change in a back pocket. Anyways... I offered him some, and he looked at me as if I was offering him a wet rat to eat. Beyond ungrateful.

Another "calculated tactic" that I have been asked for is small change. Spare change, but the people who ask are extremely specific 20p 50p 70p and they will even tell you what for. Gas or electricity top ups or towards bus fare. I would never say that I am the most intelligent person in the world, but, I have worked out these requests and reasons are all a form of beggar code for....Booze,alcohol,liquor...erm drugs... yes, shocking. So, once one woman asked me if I could lend her 50p. After a moments pause, I asked when I would be getting my loaned money back. She looked at me as though I had spoken in fluent Japanese. (She soon walked away) Guess she didnt need it so bad.

Punishment : 2) & 4)


Over gelled hair. Can somebody explain to me why some chaps insist on 1. having a fringe (Like a womans one) 2. gelling it like a wild man and generally gelling their hair in every direction possible, north, south east and west. Did it ever occur to them that perhaps this is beyond excessive. I'm getting a headache now...

Punishment : 6) & 3)


Individuals that abuse Sunbeds and fake tan. These people will try and dupe you into believing that they are literally that absurd colour. Well, some of them will. I have been tricked when I have thought a girl was of mixed heritage (PC term) from a distance - to then realise it was just another 'abuser'. There is a new race people, a new colour, a new ethnicity....Orange! Yes, I am afraid so. The government are frantically redoing their mandatory race forms in which you state your ethnic origin etc, etc. Usually there is an option there for Other - for those who do not fit into conventional categories. As I have my ear to the political ground; word reaches me that beside this-will be Orange/ Straight from a bottle, Orange/ Beds, Orange /any other form of fakeness. The world is changing, and we really should accept this new race. Having said this, the streaky ones and terrible looking ones still deserve punishments.

Punishment : 5) & 7) (Just because it would be funny).


These people live amongst us, they walk our streets and reside in our communities. Somebody must speak out against such individuals before it is too late. I urge you to be vigilant and keep safe, thank you and goodnight. Do not have nightmares.



Submitted by Demola, The Collective