Me myself and I

I wake up and roll over. I toss the cream cotton sheets off me and sit up. On the edge of the bed, I check my phone through one squinted eye while rubbing the other. No messages. I place the gloss white handset back down on the black ash wood finished bedside table, then slowly head to the bathroom collecting my black towel on the way.

I turn the light on and toss the black towel on the white vertical radiator.  I confront the one eyed man in the mirror. Who is this sorry parrot-less pirate looking back at me? My right eye lid refuses to wake up right now.

I flick on the power shower, and hop under the steaming hot water that rains down on me.

Finally, my body snaps out of sleep mode. I concede that this feels just as good as my bed and reluctantly quit wishing I was still in it. The blue water mint and sea mineral shower gel smells uplifting and my thoughts slowly come into focus.

Wait a minute, this bottle looks like it's been tampered with. Has she been using my men's shower gel?! I look around at a multitude of female shower gels as I ask this question. These women sure are cheeky these days. I could stay in here for a while, but it's time to go. Both eyes now open, the man in the mirror looks alert and seems to be brushing his teeth.

I can read his thoughts...

"I wonder if this will be the month I join the 21st century and buy an electric tooth brush?" He ponders while looking back at me. Now he gargles the electric blue mouthwash and I can tell he enjoys it, from the wry smile on he just gave me after spitting it into the sink.

I head back to the bedroom and snarl as my cream is not where I remember I left it...

It's on her bedside table...

I admit my toiletry selection is on point, so I'll let her off... after all she is my beautiful wife. What's hers is hers and what's mine is hers.

COME ON, FOCUS JOSHUA... stop dilly dallying and get dressed! After a sharp spray of deodorant I slide the mirrored built-in wardrobe doors with easy choices to make... I hop into my favourite pair of slim fitting blue stone-washed denim jeans and pull on one of my favourite sweatshirts. It's grey with the iconic 'Slush Puppie' logo on it.

I head over to a large black ash wood finished chest of draws and slide open the bottom draw, pulling out a pair of black socks with turquoise heel and toe tips. I smile as I notice that the cartoon of the angry looking ape on them has a gold tooth.

I close the draw and open the middle one, and pick out the neatly rolled up thick brown leather belt.

The rest of the contents in the draw are messy and not in any particular order. Again, I pose another question to myself...

"Have I got some weird roll up your belts neatly OCD problem?"

"Yes." I conclude, as I cuss myself for having such a rubbish OCD.

Fumbling with the floor to ceiling window blinds, I eventually expose a beautiful view of tree lined green fields, and the London city skyline in the distance... The view gets me every time no matter the weather. Fortunately, this morning is bright, crisp and clear.

I grab my white phone back off the bedside table and walk into the living area. I put the cream kettle on, then run and jump onto the cool grey leather sofas. The abundance of pillows make for a soft landing. I grab the white TV remote control from the white coffee table and turn on my white TV...

(I fancy myself as a bit of an interior design genius, and absolutely love the minimalist clean look that embraces sharp lines with just enough luxurious textures to balance style with comfort).

The kettles boiled...

I make a glass mug full of Cerassie tea, and stir in a tea spoon of honey... I head over to one of two tall vertical bookshelves and pick out The girl with the dragon tattoo, by Stieg Larsson. (I'm currently reading three different books and haven't finished any of them).

I sit back down on the sofa, take a sip of my delicious cocktail of a tea and open up my book...

My weekend has officially begun... Ooh la la! Bonjour Saturday, je m'appelle Joshua. Nice to meet you again... It's been too long.

Joshua, TCC