The gymnasium

Hello folks, welcome back to the gymnasium. Today I thought that we would frequent the wet area. To the uninformed that is: the steam room, sauna, jacuzzi and murky pool. This section is probably one of the most redeeming features of this questionable place. Well, sort of. In this gym too many things break down for my liking and then take an age to be repaired. And please don't get me started on health and safety matters. But, having said that when things are working as they should be this area isn't too bad as far as 'bad' goes. The wet area is easily one of the 'perks' that the regular members here often like to use. Let us go and sit in the steam room for a while. Obviously, as with the main gym section correct attire is required. Speedos and naff Primark swimming costumes are not advised. Got that? Oh - and it's best to wear flip flops. The ground isn't exactly the, well, ahem. It's better to separate your feet from the floor. 

On entering the humble sized room do make sure you close the door properly behind you, people will complain if precious steam sneaks out. Now, now don't be shy, nobody will bite, sit down, c'mon - bunch up. Whoa, horsey! Steady! Not that close. Sheesh. You're in my personal space. As you are new in here - my advice is that it's best not to have lingering eye contact. If you must, inspect people's bodies discreetly, alright. I've been coming here for years and years so because of that - I've seen many faces come and go and know a lot of the regulars that come in here to have a good cleansing steam and a chat/gossip. 

The older generation run this dilapidated steam room. They are the most vocal and charismatic in my opinion. Yes, you can see a few of them sat in that corner with their old age paunches and interesting body shapes. All characters in their own way. Like that one there, look, the one with the man breasts. I recall him once covering them with his hands in a mock, bashful manner saying that he had forgotten his bra. Humorous charm like that is commonplace in here. Then there is the other aged man there. You probably can't see it too well - but he has a wonderful twinkle in his eye. Full of anecdotes and funny quips about 'the misses.' When he hasn't seen me in some time he often enquires as to why, and before I can even answer he further asks if I have been in prison to which he backs up with a frank: "Well, you've got to ask haven't you." He always makes us smile and laugh in this steam room. 

Sometimes when this room of wet heat is bustling with pumped up men they can't help but get a little too hot when an attractive female tentatively steps in. Eyes widen as they all sit up and begin smirking in unison. Some choose to slowly move their pectorals up and down, or to engage in (transparent) friendly conversation and if the first two 'tactics' don't work then the brake glass option of basically staring like a rabid dog outside of a butchers is deployed. There are three of four types of females that enter this room. Attractive ones, dodgy looking ones, mature ones, who are the friends of the older men; and, also, the Islamic ladies who come in wearing bubble coats and balaclavas. I've seen it all in this place. 

OK, let's get out now, I need a little break from here. The jacuzzi across from us is alright, I guess - but I did hear a disturbing story of a bedraggled rat floating amidst the gushing bubbles. Hardly ideal. Anyway - hey ho! The big pool you can see to our right is one in which I haven't even bothered to dip my big toe in. I really don't fancy embarrassing myself with my canine like swimming technique. Unfortunately, I do recall some years ago a young chap dying in the pool. I can't remember what happened to him. It was a tragic and awful occurrence. The pool was closed for some considerable time afterwards. 

The sauna, over there has been revamped, but already the heathens in this place are already bringing it down. I prefer to stay out of that wooden box.There is always one hardcore sauna daredevil who isn't content with the heat level and constantly throws water over the coals to the discomfort and annoyance of the people sat in there. Anyway, enough about all that, I'm going to get a shower and get dressed. You can stand around here if you like - I've had enough for one day. We will reconvene at a later date. 

Demola, TCC